37 Truths for 37 Years...

I turned 37 over the weekend...yippee...

As I sit and contemplate this fact; I begin to take stock in the many life lessons I have learned over those several years.  Being that I haven't blogged in oh, forever, I thought it would be appropriate to write these "truths" down and contribute to my sad little blog by actually posting something.  If you are an Objectivist, I apologize for using such offensive words as "truth"...if you have no idea what an Objectivist is...I hope you get something out of these random streams of consciousness from your's truly.  Enjoy!

Oh, I almost forgot...I am in no way claiming any of this as original thought by me.  Everything about me has been fed to me by inspiration, books, wise men and women, music, the arts, and (regrettably) the media.  If you see yourself in any of this, thanks for your influence on my life!

1. College is not just about gaining knowledge:  It’s about growth!  Mind, body, spirit…if you’re not  growing in all three phases of your life you’re doing it wrong!
2. If you don’t raise your children, you will end up raising theirs…bank on it!
3. Honesty in word; integrity in action:  Tell the truth even when it hurts, model truth even when it’s ugly!
4. It’s not always the question being asked; usually it’s the person asking the question that really matters!  Good questions cannot be separated from bad context.
5. How you talk to me is equally as important as what you say to me…
6. Marriage is hard!  Whoever says different is either single or has a spouse who gave up long ago.
7. Your child’s behavior is your fault:  Deal with it.
8. You have a hole inside you:  It is made to fit one thing…God.  Many people will cram anything they can in this hole, or pretend it doesn't exist.  Neither of these solutions will work.
9. There are two things in this world ALL of us will have:  A birth and a death…we make such a big deal about them because we long for commonalities between us all.
10. Leadership can be developed…Charisma…not so much.
11. Common sense is too often an oxymoron.
12. Most adults are not “responsible”.  Often they are overgrown kids with more money to lose, bigger things to break, and more important things to lie about (wow that sure sounds cynical).
13. People who “get caught up in the details” have a hard time growing and innovating.  People who “forget about the details” have a hard time sustaining growth and innovation.  Find out what you do best (big picture, or details) and surround yourself with people who do the other one better than you.
14. Who you are during a crisis is who you are…anyone can be a leader during the good times.
15. Find a group of like-minded men/women outside of your family and invest into them.  Men with men and women with women.
16. Men and women cannot be “best friends”.  The woman might think so, but every heterosexual guy (who is not kidding himself) knows this does not exist.
17. Every rejection in my life has led me to something better.  It’s usually grander than my feeble mind could ever conjure up on its own.  I thank God for that…
18. “…because that’s the way we’ve always done it” is not an appropriate answer to any question.
19. The key to marriage is to find a spouse who is willing to give more than they take; and you in return, give them more than you take.  Good luck…
20. FORGIVE:  Early and often…
21. Knowing and understanding someone’s passions will help you go a long way in making a connection with them.
22. Find something, outside of God, work, and family, and be passionate about it.  
23. If you are not passionate about your work and your family, you’re doing it wrong.
24. Emphasize your strengths and remove your weaknesses.
25. Pay attention to personal detail:  A person’s wardrobe, office décor, personal photos, jewelry, habits, and discussion points will tell you a lot about them.
26. Honestly seek knowledge for knowledge’s sake and you will eventually find wisdom.
27. It’s okay to identify with things like your alma mater, profession, academic discipline, religious affiliation, ethnicity, gender, culture, sports, political affiliation, hobbies, passions, or even regional affinity…but don’t let them define you.
28. Character is extremely difficult to develop, but very easily revealed.
29. Perception is reality to most, and is often confused with truth.  This is a dangerous trap to fall into.
30. Perception is far too often fed by ignorance and raised by close-mindedness.
31. Perception can be changed by investing in God, people, reading and travel:  Make sure you invest in all four.
32. Don’t take yourself too seriously…laugh at yourself before you laugh at others.
33. Confidence should be a part of you but don’t let it take control.  Always remember there is someone smarter, faster, stronger and better looking than you.
34. Compromise will take you far in life.  Compromising on your principals will take you far in the wrong direction.
35. Don’t be afraid to make a decision and live with the possible consequences.  This is what separates leaders from followers.
36. Celebrate accomplishments, mourn loss, forgive trespasses, love unconditionally, live fearlessly…sounds easy doesn’t it?
37. LISTEN:  let others speak into your life often,  but always filter what is said with wisdom and discernment.  

Live long & prosper...

"And the only solution to this would be that the meaning of earthly existence lies not, as we have grown used to thinking, in prospering, but in the development of the soul..." from The Gulag Archipelago 1918-1956 (1973) by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

When did the light flip on for you? When did our existence, collectively as the human race, finally begin to make sense? When did the questions "Why am I here?" and "What do I do now?" finally have answers of your liking? For some of you reading this, that day has yet to come.

What if I told you that the most important answers don't always come in classrooms, living rooms, state houses or even places of worship. Sometimes they come in jail cells, hospital rooms, and battle fields. What if I told you suffering in your life wasn't there to destroy you, but to prosper you?

All too often Americans view prosperity as a state of being. I am prosperous because I own this, have that, or make this much. What if we flip prosperity on its end and made it more a state of mind rather then a state of being? More specifically, a state of soul. When we look at prosperity through this lens, suffering comes into focus and makes more sense. In his masterpiece "The Gulag Archipelago", Aleksandar Solzhenitsyn recalls with gratefulness his years spent in a Soviet Era Gulag forced labor camp. Amidst all of the suffering, torture, slave labor, indignity and death; Aleksandar found his meaning for his life. As he so succinctly put it:

"Lev Tolstoi was right when he dreamed of being put in prison. At certain moment the giant began to dry up. He actually needed prison as a drought needs a shower of rain... And I say without hesitation: "Bless you, prison, for having been in my life!"..."

Throughout his book, Aleksandar discovered that although he went into the Gulag "prosperous"; he predictably lost everything precious and important to him... or so he initially thought. Paradoxically, the very thing (the Gulag) that stripped him of all prosperity, dignity, freedom, vanity, and respect became the instrument to truly show him how void his soul had become. The very thing he lived his life for (prosperity) was stripping him of what he truly needed most; what he called "the development of his soul".

Gabe & Graham:

What Gulags in your life will you look back on and say "bless you for having been in my life"? Oh how our perspective will change if we bless the storm instead of fight against it! Always live your life with this end in mind...God allows the Gulag's in our lives for a reason...he wants more than just meaningless prosperity for our lives. He wants to develop our soul. This is God's definition of prosperity! I pray your light flips on much earlier than mine did!

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? Mark 8:36

On Writer's Block

One reason I don't suffer Writer's Block is that I don't wait on the muse, I summon it at need.
Piers Anthony

Read more:http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/muse.html#ixzz1EzOvqA3j

OK, so it's been a while...I know all 12 of you who read my blog have been waiting with baited breath for my next installment. Actually, 12 might be a gross exaggeration. I digress...what does a writer, I mean blogger, write, err blog, about when that ever so illusive muse is not showing up? Is it just me, or is writing about writer's block while experiencing a writer's block cheating? I think so...With that in mind, I apologize in advance for those of you who feel you are not getting your money's worth. Your check is in the mail.

Your muse can come in many shapes, forms and sizes. Traditionally, the muse is seen as a beautiful woman, keeping consistent with the origination of the concept from Greek mythology. But as often happens, this concept has been shaped and molded by several centuries of progressing civilization. Today, your muse may be a beautiful sunset, or even a heartbreaking situation or, quite possibly, an award winning British rock band! If your name is Charlie Sheen, its an all-night black tar heroin and everclear bender!

I truly feel Greek mythology has done all creative thinkers a huge disservice. Being able to blame your lack of creative thought on a non-existent being seems like a total cop out to me. Human beings are really good at finding an external locus to blame shortfalls on. The devil made me do it? Not so much...Your lack of self control and selfish tendencies probably had something to do with it, though!

As creative beings, inspiration is all around us but we are to ignorant to reach out and Latch on . I liken it to being castaway on a vast freshwater lake, and subsequently dying of thirst...you know, water water everywhere, but not smart enough to drink? Should we blame our muse for having no inspiration? Is it really her fault for our lack of perception, understanding, and creativity? Can we really blame her for being deaf, blind and dumb?

GABE & GRAHAM: Don't wait for inspiration (AKA your muse) to show up on your doorstep, for she is a fickle mistress. You have to be an active partner in the relationship, or there will not be a relationship. Search her out, openly court her, and most importantly, recognize her when you meet. As with any kind of relationship, sometimes we grow apart and move along different paths . This will happen with your inspiration. And when it does, it's time to start the courtship all over again!

The Cosmic Significance of...

Why did I buy that jersey?

Let me take you back...it was the summer of 2006. For the first time EVER, the Dallas Mavericks were in the NBA finals. I am a lifelong basketball fan, and fan of Dallas pro sports. I have been a fan since the days of Ro Blackman, Mark Aquirre and Roy Tarply so I have some "fan capital" built up in the Mavs. In 2006, I was pretty pumped, but understandably skeptical...

In a matter of moments, the Mavs were up 0-2 and Laura Miller was planning parade routes in downtown Dallas. My skepticism dissipated significantly, and to celebrate I ponied up some cash and bought myself a Dirk Jersey...that haven't won a NBA finals game since...and it's all my fault!

Flash forward to October, 2010...the Rangers beat the hated Yankees for the first time EVER and were headed to the World Series for the first time EVER! I have been a fan of the Rangers since the days of Inky, Nolan Ryan, Ruben Sierra, and Pudge. Its time for a new Rangers shirt...and you know the rest of the story.

Why oh why must I be so cosmically significant in the world of sports? Why do I have to worry about my garb at Tech football games? Why must I stay silent about a no hitter while watching it on T.V.? What a curse I live under...

Of the twelve of you who actually read my blog; about half of you now officially know I am crazy...what the heck is he talking about? The rest of you are blaming me for those two monumental melt downs and have cleared your conscience for your cosmically significant snafu and can now blame me! You're welcome.

Why oh why do we feel the need to matter beyond our day to day existence? Is work and raising children not significant enough? Why does my life have to change Dirk's jumper or cause Josh Hamilton to strike out? News flash people! You are missing the boat on cosmic significance:

Gabe and Graham:

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? ~Matthew 6: 25-27

Translation: Dirk Nowitzki might not consider you cosmically significant; but God does!

DONE!

“We rate ability in men by what they finish, not by what they attempt”
Unknown

I am done! I have written over 16,000 words and could care less if I ever right another meaningful word again! I have read literally hundreds of thousands of words and have had serious thoughts about investing in some books on tape! Blood (maybe), sweat, and tears got me to the point where I can say "My dissertation is DONE"! Everybody knows the only good dissertation is a DONE dissertation. Exhale, Ryan...its over after 5 years...so now what?

It could be considered disconcerting that having a done dissertation "finishes" nothing for me , except my higher education career. What matters now is not that I am done paying tuition...but rather, what comes next. I got it, now what do I do with it? A clearly defined answer here would do my sanity, and my family, good!

So now we're getting somewhere, right? A done dissertation is a means to a finish...but frankly when I think about it I don't want to be "finished" until God tells me I'm done. There's something so permanent about being "finished".

Man, what a conudrum...I worked soooo hard to be done...but man I really don't want to be "finished" right now! I have to much journey left in me to be "finished"! Help me, Gabe and Graham, I am so confused! I am way to young to be having a mid-life crisis...

Ok, I'm being dramatic. I really don't need the advice of a four and two year old nor do I feel in the throws of any sort of crisis...the conudrum remains, nonetheless!

Gabe & Graham:
Be smart enough to never start what cannot be done...and wise enough to never finish living until God tells you you're done. There. I'm DONE now!

FANantical...

"Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent." Dave Barry

If you're not a fan, you don't understand...Dave Barry obviously doesn't get it. High browed individuals who see nothing redeemable about sitting in near freezing temperatures to watch a game sure don't get it. A fan is hard to define, hard for some to understand, but extremely easy to point out.

Fandom is not limited to sports obviously...T.V. shows, movies, books, stars, bands, religions, quilting, baking, canning, video games, board games, comic books, anime, talk show hosts, sharks, cars, motorcycles, wine, cigars, chess, beer, FOOD...shall I go on? Surely everyone who will read this will find something on this list they can identify their fandom with; if not they will surely mentally add their obsession to the end.

Most human beings, by nature, are fans. Our obsessions are wide and varied, but there is something that gets us going. Fanatics make life interesting, intriguing and sometimes a bit irritating. Case in point: There was one certain college football game on Saturday that I was attending. I also happen to be a fan of one of the teams competing. At one point towards the end of the game, I lost my cool...those who know me know this is not who I am. Although I did not lay down a line of cuss words or defame the character of any certain individual; I still lost it a bit. So much so that I felt compelled to apologize to a guy I knew who happened to be sitting close to me and a fan of "the other" team. His response to me: "Dude, don't worry about it! You're a fan and I totally understood..." Fortunately for me he's a nice guy and a college football nut like me.

Gabe and Graham: Fandom is a great part of life! It helps us learn loyalty, passion, teamwork, and sometimes humility. Fan what makes you passionate! Learn about it. Study it. Follow it. Make it a part of your life. But remember this. Fandom should never define who we are as men. Instead let integrity, honor, faith, hope & love be what you are known for.

Heroes out of Humans...

Shattered expectations...don't they suck?

Your favorite team loses the big game. Your job doesn't come through with that Christmas bonus (sorry, Clark, no pool for you). Justin Bieber's second album just doesn't cut the mustard (baby, baby, baby, no). Your "hero" is a cheater... Maybe you relate to some of these and maybe you don't. Regardless, we have all had someone or something not live up to our expectations, and it hurt.

The painful truth is we will all be letdown by the ones we hold in the highest esteem at some point. Athletes, politicians, movie stars, doctors, educators, ministers, parents and children all have one common denominator...they are all human (well, except for maybe the politicians). Our "hero" will fall from grace not because we set them up for the fall, but because they are human... flawed, imperfect, fallen and yet shaped and formed in God's image. What a paradox we truly are!

As a Father, I am charged with teaching my boys this paradox...the beautiful forms we are as humans have an imperfect glitch. It's called selfishness and it rears it's ugly head all around us every day. Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong, Roger Clemens, A-Rod, Jimmy Swaggert, Bill Clinton...your "hero" will ultimately have a fatal flaw. What breaks my heart is this is true of me, too. Gabe and Graham will be let down by me at some point in their lives, unfortunately more than once. The day it happens, I may not have a press conference to apologize publicly or have to testify in front of Congress...but my flaw will be aired nonetheless to the ones who matter most. What is equally as disheartening is knowing they will let me down. Will I just tell them what to do, or will I show them?

Get ready, boys it's coming. Daddy's gonna screw up!

Get ready Ryan...they will be 16 before you know it.

Know this: When you shatter expectations of those who hold you in high regard; make it right. Ask for forgiveness repent and move on. As for those who shatter your expectations? Don't make heroes out of humans! Don't expect others to fill the void and meet the need in your life that can only be filled by God. Instead, embrace what is beautiful about shattered expectations: the opportunity to respond in grace and with forgiveness and hope for the future. Respond like a hero when your hero did not.

How to write history...

Every new generation must rewrite history in its own way. - RG Collingwood



June 17th...An innocuous day for most I assume. If you google today, what you find is the most noteworthy events for the last few generations are The Watergate Break-in (in 1972) and the televised O.J. Simpson White Broncho low speed chase (in 1994)! Famous birthday's today are Patrick Duffy, James Brown, Barry Manilow and Venus Williams... Come on June 17th! Can't you do better than that...

Thankfully, for June 17th's sake, each day gets history rewritten every year. Who knows who will be born today. Or even , say, ten years ago. Tomorrow's history is today's snot nosed brat in the lunch line at Reagan Elementary choosing to eat the peanut butter surprise and not the Salisbury Steak. Who knows teachers... you just might be giving the president time out!

But that's the weird and wonderful thing about history...it's a continuum that never ends. History will be made for somebody, somewhere today. Tomorrow could burn into our collective hearts like September 11th...Or it could be another June 17th. After all history is, first and foremost, about perspective.

June 17th may be innocuous to you, but 10 years ago today changed my life forever. Without June 17th, there would be no May 24th or December 29th. The path laid out for me veered in a different direction this day. A direction away from selfish living and pointless goals and towards selfless pursuits and purposeful passions. My beautiful boys are directly correlated to June 17th...as the May 24th and December 29th birthdays attest. Today is the day my wife said "I do" to a lifetime of significant June 17ths. We rewrote history ten years ago today. As far as I'm concerned June 17th owes us a debt of gratitude...maybe instead of thinking about O.J. and Dick Nixon when today roles around; you will remember the excellent adventure that is our marriage that started a decade ago today!

God only knows how many more June 17ths are in store for our family. Not just our anniversary, but history making days in the life of our family. There will be joyous ones, and heartbreaking ones. That is for God to know and history to record. So today and forever, I choose to continue to pen my history with my wife as co-author! And for some reason she agrees! And that is truly what is weird and wonderful about history!

I love you Raynie! Happy Anniversary!

Kids and Dogs...

"Better to be driven out from among men than to be disliked of children."
Richard Henry Dana

If you don't like dogs and can't stand to be around children...chances are you and I aren't going to get along. Sure dogs shed, poop a lot, eat house slippers, chew up your remote and dig up expensive shrubbery, but come on! They're dogs! Haven't you seen Marley and Me? Sure kids shed clothing in every room of the house, poop a lot, eat EVERYTHING, hide the remote and dig up disgusting unmentionables, but come on! They're kids, people! Haven't you seen Little Miss Sunshine (Gotta love the cutie in that movie...)?

I admit, there is so much to not like with dogs and kids...hence the somewhat succinct listing above...but God naturally instills in all of us a little something that causes us to go gaga over babies and cry like babies when they shoot Old Yeller. IT'S CALLED A SOUL! As I get older, I have learned not all of us have one of these, unfortunately. Seems like Souls should be required for your humanity license. Kinda like no shoes, no shirt, no service...I Digress...

This is what I've figured out. If you don't like dogs or kids, you're soulless. Let me show you the direct correlation: God put dogs and kids on this Earth as a "soul detector". So whenever these "detectors" get around soulless people; they growl, whine, cry, bite, run, yelp, pee a little, cower behind mommy and daddy...you get the picture. In other words, they go off to warn the rest of us who have souls but don't have the "souldar". It's like walking up to a vampire with a crucifix...not a great way to win friends and influence night walkers! To tie my ramblings into a nice neat bow...People who don't like dogs and kids get exposed for the soulless shells they are by the very thing they despise...wow! This is deeper and more complicated than I thought!

Bottom line, if your boyfriend won't hold a baby and kicks your lab...time to give Neal Clark Warren a call!

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream and not make dreams your master;
If you can think and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!



If - a poem by Rudyard Kipling

If...only two letters, but so powerful. "If" is the border between success and failure, good and evil, questions and answers. A well known company insures for the "if" in Life. Logically speaking, we always want our "if's" followed with a predetermined, well-defined "then". "If I do A, Then I can expect B as a result." Life is so much easier when "then" is predictable. IF I love my boys with all my heart, THEN they will grow into the God-fearing men I so long for them to be, right?


Let's go one step further. Take "IF" out of Rudyard Kipling's masterpiece above...doesn't it read much better? Much more declarative and sure! "Neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you"...now thats what I'm talking about!

Let's take the "IF" out of life shall we? It sounds so easy, the answer to all of our questions. Of course those of us who are not fools already know the answer: In this life, IF fills the space between birth and death. It is not my job to take "IF" out of my boy's life, it's my job to prepare them for when "IF" happens...THEN, you WILL be men my sons!

In faith, IF dissappears at death. That is God's promise to us. Living in faith, IF fills our life before death, that is the worlds "promise" fulfilled. IF I am living by faith, THEN my life will be a testimony to the promises of God.